Ode to the First Year...

I remember my first semester when everything was so new and mysterious. Truthfully it still feels like only yesterday, I nervously walked into our classroom feeling so unsure and out of place. I wrote this little recollection as I was thinking about my first few days and the new junior students.

I wandered into the classroom feeling like a deer caught in headlights. It felt like every pair of eyes was scoping me out. They were probably relieved to see someone else who was also visibly nervous. On my desk was a little goodie bag my program director made up for the new students. That was very welcoming and soon enough I lost the feeling like I had a rock in my stomach as I talked with my new classmates. One of them happened to be a very good friend of my sister so it was nice to have at least one familiar face in this new environment. The first few days were very overwhelming and I questioned what I was doing quite often.

The first day of clinical was not that different from my first day of class. Clinical started about three weeks after the first day of class. I walked down the street to the hospital with my classmate, happy that I wasn't walking in alone and accompanied by someone who also had no idea what to expect. The site we were at first was the one with the infamously old equipment and also the only site that still used film. I try to remember the minute details but they seem to escape me at the moment. I remember following my techs around like a puppy, trying to help in anyway I could but also having the reoccurring feeling like I was in the way. I also remember the film processor rebelling against me on several occasions. Despite the feelings like I was never going to get it, the semester ended quite well for me academically, but at the same time I faced a number of personal challenges with the loss of my grandmother and other family issues.

The second semester presented itself with a plethora of challenges. The immense feeling of loss only got stronger over winter break and I tried not to let my personal life intervene with school. It is very hard to keep going when you feel like your legs are being swept out from underneath you. My grandmother was a very strong figure in my life and continuing without the strength she instilled in me by her presence was very difficult. The whole semester was like this, and at one point I thought about quitting the program and giving up. I just felt so detached from it all with everything that was going on. I somehow made it through and realized that you really do find out who you are in dark and difficult times.

Looking back now, it's hard to believe a year has gone by and I will tell you I still come across things that I am unconfident about. I have taken a position as a student tech aide at an orthopedic office and I am both excited and nervous. I start my tech aide job this week, I hope to get more experience and knowledge from this opportunity. I am still a bit unsure about what the next step after x-ray school will be for me but, fortunately there are many directions I can go in this field.

To the first year students out there, I wish you the best of luck and hope you all do well in your classes. Don't be frustrated with yourself too much the first semester, you are walking into a totally different world so try to keep an open mind.